The Right Way to Raise Rapport
After a satisfying weekend of socializing, your alarm clock announces the dawn of a new Monday morning. You’re a creature of habit, and by now you’ve got your morning routine down to an exact science: a 3-in-1 shower/skin care/toothbrush scene sets things in motion (this time you made sure the shampoo went on your hair and not on your toothbrush) while your business casual outfit awaits folded on your dresser from the night before. Then you’re out the door to the quaint café you frequent where your usual order is already being made by the charming barista. You exchange smiles and swap breakfast wrap and coffee for the exact change plus tip, and a wink indicating you’ll be back here tomorrow to do it all over again. Traffic is a slog, but by now you know to take the Mortimer Ave detour to avoid the construction on Main St. and the eternal red light on 7th, saving you 15 minutes or more. Before long you’re parked, up the elevator, and at your desk with enough time to eat your breakfast and catch up with your favourite co-worker. They arrive moments later looking dishevelled and flustered, and with one knowing glance the two of you exchange an entire conversation without uttering a single word.
There is a powerful force at play in this example, one that permeates nearly every aspect of our day to day lives and is especially prevalent in the world of sales and marketing. This force is the grease that lubricates our social interactions, allowing us to transcend the limbo of small talk where it feels like we’re back at the light on 7th. After years of routine and interaction, we enter a sort of relationship with our environment, with the characters that populate it, and even with our own selves and habits. We are talking, of course, about that magical thing called rapport, so join us as we explore this fascinating phenomenon and why it’s so vital to your success as a sales guru and leader.
When two people bond over shared hobbies, interests, and experiences they enter a state of rapport. By sharing stories and exchanging knowledge we can find sparks of commonality that connect us to one another. Thus, rapport is the combination of comfort and trust, it is the link between empathy and communication, and the unmistakable sense of familiarity we feel when we’re around those we love. Forming this, however, is easier said than done, especially if you are in a line of work that requires you to be constantly building rapport with virtual strangers in order to meet your quotas. It is one thing to bond with a co-worker you see every day, it is another thing entirely to bond with a defensive client who doesn’t wish to be sold to. People tend to be on guard when conversing with a salesperson because they don’t want to be taken advantage of or upsold things they don’t need. All salespeople in all sectors deal with this inherent dynamic, real or perceived, of predatory sales associate and cautious customer.
In many purchasing scenarios it is actually a fight or flight response customers experience, wherein a chain-reaction in the amygdala, hypothalamus, and autonomic nervous system releases cortisol into their bloodstream. This flood of neurotransmitters affects their heart rate, breathing, hearing, eyesight, circulation, and even pain perception in order to prepare the body for the life-threatening stimulus they’re faced with. A few thousand years ago that threat may have been a charging woolly mammoth, but today it’s just Steve, the life insurance guy trying to sell you on their newest policy.
Herein lies the crux of the issue, and why it’s so useful to understand the neuroscience that underpins these phenomena. Our brains are about as evolved as they were 100,000 years ago, and so the same stress response is triggered whether we’re being chased by a sabretooth tiger or our in-laws show up on our doorstep unannounced. As salespeople, we must overcome this fight or flight response if we ever hope to connect with new customers, and the solution lies in building rapport.
Rapport and Personality
We believe a useful place to start is in looking more closely at how different personality types build rapport. This should come as no surprise, but humans are, well, different from each other, and so a one-size-fits-all model simply doesn’t work if you wish to build true rapport. Here at Salecology, we’ve created the Salecology Personality Colours, similar to other personality assessments based on the work of Dr. Carl Jung, and was designed for sales professionals to use every day on the job.
There are four Salecology Personality Colours: Orange, Green, Red, and Blue, and they exist on an axis of extroversion vs introversion and feeling vs thinking. People can fall anywhere, including right on the cusp of two colours or deep within a monochrome territory. The further apart two points are, the more different those people’s approach is to communication, socializing, and seeking information.
By understanding the characteristics of each personality type, you can influence people at the subconscious level by communicating to them in their preferred mode. This is the first major step in developing deeper relationships with others. An example of this concept in action is extroversion and introversion. It is common that opposite types struggle to build rapport off the bat because of how differently they approach communication. The fast-talking, loud, overly friendly extroverts can come off as obnoxious or predatory to introverted types; while the methodical, structured, relaxed nature of introverts may come across as disinterested or timid to extroverted types. Here, volume, cadence, wordiness, and directness are qualities we measure to determine whether this person is a friend or foe, whether we listen to and trust them or not. Pay attention to their tone, how formal or casual their words are, the volume at which they speak, and the speed at which it all comes out. Matching your customer’s verbal communication style is a great first step in building rapport with them, because ultimately, people like people like themselves.
Nonverbal communication is another large piece of the pie. Our body language shows when people are in rapport, as they begin to subconsciously copy one another, a phenomenon known as mirroring. This might look like crossing your legs in the same way that they are, scratching an itch, sipping a drink, or adjusting yourselves in unison etc. It also extends to the physical space you’re both in, your closeness to one another, your posture, your facial expressions, and gestures. It is up to the salesperson to demonstrate they are listening to their client, and while matching and mirroring is a useful subconscious tool, using it explicitly will guarantee you come off as untrustworthy and spoil the sale.
Common Mistakes and How to Fix Them
At this stage you should have a good sense of what rapport looks like and how aspects of our personalities influence the way we connect with others. To make things even clearer, here are some helpful pointers that will up your sales game even further. We’ll start with what not to do:
1. Being Too Friendly – Here’s a pitfall we see a lot of salespeople with the very best intentions fall into. What you find charismatic and intimate others might find as overly familiar and uncomfortable. This is especially true if you’re the opposite gender which could muddle your intentions. Don’t touch the person, don’t flirt, and don’t give them your personal information or ask for theirs in a context that doesn’t warrant it. You’re not trying to be their best friend, you’re simply trying to understand them to better solve their problem in as mannered and respectful a way as possible. Whether rapport looks like quick texts or in-depth lunchons, be sure you identify what working expectations your client has and stay in your lane. If you are nervous about how the consultation may go, we suggest doing some research beforehand to identify some possible areas where rapport can be built.
2. Being Distracted – Coming in at a close second is something we all need to be mindful of, and that is staying absolutely focused. No matter what stage of the sales cycle you’re in your phone should be considered the devil, as its presence can signal to your customer you’re not fully engaged with them. Even if they don’t see it as a red flag, allowing distractions into your consultation will disrupt eye contact which subliminally communicates untrustworthiness and puts you at risk of missing critical clues, words, and suggestions. Do engage your active listening skills, maintain eye contact, and keep the phone out of sight.
3. Trying Too Hard – We get it, sometimes our passion takes centre stage and we’re genuinely excited about the deal at hand or a solution we see to a client’s problem. That’s all great, but it should never get to a point where it infringes on the professionalism necessary to convey trust and build rapport. This extends to the way we speak to our clients. Going overboard to impress, flatter, or show off is just uncomfortable and desperate, and can even be used against you. This holds true for trying to force rapport with a client. Salespeople should never drag out a sale in order to create rapport. As a rule of thumb, kind and enthusiastic modesty is the safest route forward, with a friendly follow up no later than 5 days after the sale.
4. Communicating at the Wrong Tonal Level – Our next tip is a subtle but impactful one, and that is being mindful of the social level your tone and diction expresses. In other words, there are certain qualities and affordances that your point of view as a salesperson communicates. For example, a ‘parental’ tone is the voice of authority, it is critical and even harsh at times, though some parenting voices can be soothing and supportive. An ‘adult’ tone is more open, rational, and focused on the moment at hand. This tone is more respectful, listening, and willing to compromise. Finally, a ‘childish’ tone is expressed in one of two ways: the first is about conforming to the wishes of the consumer to please them, and the second embodies the freeform, creative, and playful spirit a child can have. Being aware of these different tonal levels will allow you to better communicate with a range of persons in a variety of circumstances.
5. Asking Your Client “Why?” – The final mistake we see many salespeople unintentionally make is asking their clients too many ‘why’ questions. While on the surface it may seem harmless, subconsciously these questions can stir up unpleasant or even repressed feelings and emotions. When we misbehave as children, when we disobeyed orders or disappointed someone we loved, we were likely asked a series of ‘why’ questions: Why did you lie to us, why did you hit your sister, why were you skipping class etc. And of course, to answer those questions force us to face our negative behaviour which can be uncomfortable to say the least. As adults we don’t often get asked why we behave the way we do, but when the question does come up it can subconsciously trigger the accusatory, even shameful dynamic of scolding parent and disobedient child. As a result, ‘why’ questions can cause a prospect to become defensive and feel like they are under interrogation. Here at Salecology we recommend sales professionals rephrase the question to “what motivated/inspired you to…”, which has a more complimentary association.
Wrap Up
As a leader, it is important your team has the capacity to form deep bonds with others and know how to manage long-term clients. Teaching this skillset has a direct influence on whether people will want to work with your firm and tell people about your services. At Salecology we can teach you how to unlock healthy and robust working relationships through emotionally intelligent rapport building and so much more. If you’re ready to turbocharge your sales team, head on over to www.salecology.com and begin your journey in transforming great salespeople into fantastic ones.